help me help you saying

That turned him off even more. I’ve gained about thirty pounds since we got married and I’m 56 years old. My self esteem has hit rock bottom and I feel a great deal of rejection. I get having a hard time losing wight, I was just always so damn hungry. My problem is that my husband has become very overweight. I stayed because of our children but I realize now that the children deserve two happy parents. In life we learn to negotiate with those we love using soft but clear diplomacy in these kinds of situations. "Intimacy and Desire" may give you some clues as to why he may not be willing to let himself be vulnerable to wanting you, and also help you learn how to demand that he step up to the plate and stop being selfish with his love. When we first met, he was just slightly overweight. I will recommend as I always do swimming. [–]deadbedtedM 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children). [–]SefiraYona 9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children). It has the proven advantage of not resetting your metabolic rate and is doable for most people long term. I think it would be great for OP on ALL fronts to lose some weight; not only for the sex life. [–]Capn_Underpants 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children). I prefer athletic women, and that is what I find sexiest. I don’t know when it started, but he wasn’t always like this. Assuming he is being honest, of course it's him but just not in the pejorative sense you mean. Pick the weight you want to be and forget what anyone else wants . We’ve been married for five years and haven’t had sex in over three years. [–]lilspoonfulofsugar 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children). EDIT: Also, you are luckier than most, in that your partner tells you exactly what the problem is, AND while it may be difficult, you are in a position where you can change things around. He and I hit it off, and I have been with him ever since. Enough of the bad. If I may give you some advice about the dieting thing: in the gym I often see that women are obsessed with cardio workout because they perceive it as burning calories. [–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children). Helping you make and shop for the good recipes. She gained weight after she was pregnant with our daughter (she had hyperemesis gravidarum which messed her diet up) so I've tried to be patient. Either way, reducing the calorie intake is both easier and more effective for weight loss that exercise. I'm a runner who lifts, and looking at my body, you would assume I'm a crossfit guy, lean and defined. In fact, for the relationship to thrive, the best situation would be for both to happen. My husband says I’m overweight and he’s not attracted to me. They just don't help me lose weight. If you eat less than your BMR, your body will get the energy from stored fat. Sometimes he’s a bit of a nag and a worrier. It is NOT her fault if HE is not attracted to her sexually. It's worth doing, even apart from your sexual relationship with your husband. [–]windirfullQuitters never win, but they get to fuck 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (2 children). Pick up a Jockey underwear catalog, I look like those guys, except I don't bother to shave my chest. Whole body exercise, cardio, no joint strain, no sweating (my personal favourite), Take ALL the carbs out of your diet! FitFolk.com, and the book "The Hungry Brain" have good tips on losing weight. http://www.doctornerdlove.com/building-attraction-which-matters-more-looks-personality/, [–]ih-shah-may-ehlm 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children). He is aware ' words ' hurt you so I wonder why he continues to be so abrasive in his approach ? ' You don't lose weight by exercising, especially if you're a woman of our age. You need to eat less. There are lots of supportive subs on reddit, and I'm sure many people will provide links. Dropped 42lbs and has kept it off for over 5 years with a 30 minute workout/stretching routine every day. I cannot believe the comments I am reading here. I have maintained a slightly overweight … Does your husband head to the golf course when he gets out of work? You seem to think that he should not be allowed to answer truthfully the question that you yourself asked him, because the truth hurts. [–]myexsparamour 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (2 children). [–]avast2006 8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago* (1 child). I never accepted that the attraction died solely because of my weight gain. He and I hit it off, and I have been with him ever since. Find out if you're a candidate for bariatrics. I don't eat anything carb related Monday to Thursday, on the weekend there is wine :), [–]Brad_StantonM44HL/separated 38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (4 children). Priorities. He became really bitter and began blaming it on everyone and everything around him. The butthurt "I can't" attitude isn't attractive, desirable or sexy. [–]tarktarkindustries 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children), If you want to lose weight then do the Whole30. Even some of our children have mentioned their concern about his weight to me. I'm all for brutal honesty, but it has to be with a goal in mind. A lousy diet means lousy activity which means lousy body, lousy attitude, lousy confidence and therefore a lousy love life. He believes as long as he is under 205 pounds, he's okay. 2,000 calories a day is a good target but check with your doc or an app for best number. Take what he said and act on it. It’s great for your health and you said he’s a good man otherwise. Don't worry if you can't do much to start, my parents did all this and at the start my father couldn't do a single pushup for over a week. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Is this worth x hours on a dreadmill? I bet he isn't. [–]Aechzen 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children). They think 'I don't want to be left alone in old age'." Thats great for you, but my wife knows if she hits over 150 it becomes a turn off for me. He was completely honest to her in this situation. /u/18truck has a thing for OP, I believe.. [–]18truck -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago* (0 children), [–]business-travel 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children). I guess I have to ask - do you cook and clean and do most of the housework? Don't be so down on yourself. My husband turns me off. Also, I realized that without my saying anything, he will never try to better himself. Ouch. You only need to drop about 300-400 calories a day - very easy to do - to start losing weight. [–]Barbiegrl88 43 points44 points45 points 3 years ago (1 child). They didn't do because … [–]DB_HelperMHL45 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children). Yes. If he is being completely honest and there is not another issue, good on him. Rendered by PID 32407 on r2-app-07c0c63de3cd453c3 at 2021-05-10 10:11:35.202927+00:00 running 4f402b5 country code: US. Dear Jennifer: My husband's weight problem turns me off. All you need to do to be successful is plug in the proper numbers and be diligent about using it. Losing weight is easier than it sounds. Weight Expectations: My Husband Gained 50 Pounds And It Turns Me Off. After about a year and … I respect that but there’s something to be said for being too honest. Reddit, my boyfriend is overweight. It's not sustainable for the vast majority of dieters. [–]Aechzen 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children). They will interact with your exercise and diet apps. Him exercising with you. Do you look after him and care for him? You don't need to exercise to lose weight. Cutting back on a few drinks each week didn't hurt either. My wife is overweight, it doesn't matter one tiny bit to me when it comes to sex. So many people get frustrated because they exercise like there's no tomorrow and are disappointed when the pounds don't drop quickly. Focus on shopping healthy (together), eating and preparing healthy meals (together) and include him in the process. That is the one thing that makes me think that maybe he has something else going on with his own sexuality, and the weight thing is itself a dodge. How can I approach him about getting into shape, without making him feel bad? Im trying to gain weight but its sooo hard for me to even get close to 2000 calories a day :/. It's actually simple physics, your body requires X amount of energy to function so when it can't get it from daily caloric intake it'll switch to fat reserves. It isn’t a gay man’s fault that YOU aren’t attracted to him either. My husband recently stepped onto the scale and told me that his Body Mass Index (BMI) was 29.1 and that he is considered overweight. Visit a dietician and a personal trainer. So I want to shout from the rooftops and tell everyone how proud I am of him for being overweight. Damned shame she isn't married to you, then, isn't it? Whatever is causing the weight gain, address it and make a change. Then there's the issue of SO's libido. Strengthening your muscles also burns calories, and it has the advantage that muscle tissue causes you to burn more calories throughout the day. My boyfriend is small in height for the average male, about 5'6". Ask the doc which exercises you can and can't do with respect to your chronic illness. My husband – let’s call him James – is a lovely guy. But gradually he started showing his true colours. Don't hide when you change. We walk together everywhere. I am not thin. There are many reasons to want sex, and it's on him to find those reasons and act on them. That lack of desire to sexually satisfy his wife is a reflection on him, not on her. My mornings are way better now . But sex has become painful for me to the point where I can no longer enjoy it. [–]DB_HelperMHL45 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children). He knew how much it upset me and yet he said it again the other day because he said he didn’t want to lie to me and because I asked. I only recently learned, after 40 years of thinking I was ugly, that not only am I not ugly, but good self-esteem and recognizing that I'm not ugly is a learned skill that I never learned. Sometimes the mere accountability and cost will keep you motivated. PSA: Shaking Your Dick at a Woman Saying, “Wanna Suck It?” Is NOT Considered Foreplay. 30lbs is not going to make a difference to his libido, even if it makes him find you slightly less attractive. I moved away for graduate school and he found a job near our university, so we’ve been long distance ever since. Before we were married, he was real committed to losing weight and keeping it off, but at some point he gave up. You could temporarily hire a personal trainer to learn to work out around your chronic injuries. My husband brought me through to the other side, though. I was not thin at 13, so chances are (and gravity being what it is) I … [–]Cellar_Door_ 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children), [–]DB_HelperMHL45 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children). I am connecting with her, not ogling her like all she is to me is an object to turn me on. BUT. At the time, he was a little bit overweight, but actively trying to lose it in an effort to better himself after a tough breakup. Set attainable milestones and celebrate them on the way. You'd say, "Howard, I bet you know just about everything there is to know about that massive woman of yours." My favorite book for fitness and working out is Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels. No offense, but that's seriously fucked up. He simply kept being concerned for my health. Get an analysis scale (they test body fat, muscle mass, BMI and weight). He says his dick works, he knows you'd like it inside you, and he likely knows it would feel good for both of you. You want to build muscle to increase your metabolism to burn off more calories and doing so will be the greatest benefit to living well in your senior years. Both are decisions made by the brain of the person who isn’t attracted to someone else. Facebook ; Twitter; Whats App; Reddit; Email; 123RF. use the following search parameters to narrow your results: -the answers to our most frequently asked questions, https://reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/f8zycs/faq_read_this_before_posting/. Quitting snacks (including sugary drinks) and just doing 3 meals will make a big deal... [–]LouStrong28 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children). His behavior around me started to change as well. It's hard to have a partner who gave up on himself and doesn't even try anymore. What a pig. Losing weight is a huge sacrifice of money, free time, and of course takes mental support. If he is no longer attracted to her, it's no ones fault, however, she can choose to lose the weight if she wants. We’ve had some other challenges in our marriage but nothing this serious. Update: I am also concerned about his health, his mom is overweight and has blood pressure and cholosterol. This is ridiculous. [–]myexsparamour 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children). I dabble in OL & PL intermittently as a hobby but comp is bikini & possibly figure - ( bikini - Ashley kaltwasser/Courtney king/Anita herbert - figure Erin Stern/Jamie eason, [–]Aechzen 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (0 children). They can get you started on a healthier lifestyle and if finances permit, visit them often. OP is a 56 year old woman. He said what he said for a reason. The more things you change and focus on becoming healthier the easier it will be on you to follow through. If exercise is hard/impossible, the next time you go for a snack, just think about his hands over your body, riding him until you come, having him look at you when you walk by etc. I find her significantly more attractive now than I did when she was carrying the extra weight. His libido is his problem to solve. Fuck that guys opinion. Establish habits on "free" foods, so that they're always available. Last night I asked my dear husband to please bring in the space heater from the garage, so I could put it in the dining room to warm my piggies during Zoom Kindergarten. [–]myexsparamour 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (4 children). Maybe you don't mind overweight women. Calorie and exercise apps work. 30 lbs is not going to make a difference to his libido, even if it makes him find you slightly less attractive. In all honesty, I'm a veteran of /r/survivinginfidelity and if your biggest challenge is losing weight to be attractive to your spouse consider yourself lucky. We aim to keep this a safe space. If he gets backlash for sharing how he feels he may not be inclined to share again in the future. She's not going to put on that much muscle. My grandmother ended up having a panic attack that they thought was a heart attack at first. If you consistently eat a lower number of calories, your body will eventually only burn that number of calories, but it will adjust to a new, lower weight first. i have never looked back, and that was 170 pounds ago.. [–]windirfullQuitters never win, but they get to fuck 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children), [–]avast2006 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (2 children). He resolved to lose the weight, but I could tell that I hurt him with my words, and have felt extremely guilty ever since. I felt compelled to send you a message after reading the Husband is Overweight entry because my situation is a bit reversed. [–]JackoffSmirnofWinter is coming, at least somthing is.40/ HLM 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (3 children). He doesn’t like to exercise, is … She never actually posted her weight, but at 5'9", she may outweigh her husband. Assuming he is telling the truth, then the problem is that you are spinning that out into all sorts of behaviors that do everything BUT address the actual problem. He gained 20 lbs the first year we were together, and the gaining weight process is never stopping. Have a goal in mind (better marriage, better health, or new life). My wife is overweight, it doesn't matter one tiny bit to me when it comes to sex. When one previous partner gained 30 lbs, I NEVER found him unattractive because I loved him for who he was inside, which always made me attracted to him regardless of the weight. If you want to you could even see if you could get him to agree on a challenge, like having sex for every 2 pounds lost or something like that. Her physical appearance has always been an issue and it only gets worse. At the time, he was a little bit overweight, but actively trying to lose it in an effort to better himself after a tough breakup. So, the next conversation should be "well, if we love each other and look after one another everywhere but the bedroom, does he care if you find someone to satisfy your sexual needs? She gained weight after she was pregnant with our daughter (she had hyperemesis gravidarum which messed her diet up) so I’ve tried to be patient. I am connecting with her, not ogling her like all she is to me is an object to turn me on. m not too overly concerned about appearance, and I was very satisfied with my boyfriend both emotionally and sexually all throughout college, but recently sex has been painful for me and it has been difficult for me to breathe. He said that he has no problem getting erections. I know I need to lose weight (I’m 5’9” and am a size 16) and I’ve tried. If you spend any time eating that way or even reading the subreddit you will see incredible benefits to declaring carbs and sugar your sworn enemies in life. He’s done it many times, and still cooks portion-controlled meals for himself, but overeats constantly when free food is offered to him and when he is feeling particularly stressed or lonely. But he's refusing to let that happen. [–]myexsparamour 74 points75 points76 points 3 years ago (15 children). https://www.google.com/amp/amp.instyle.com/news/ashley-black-fascia-blaster-tool, Yo yo dieting -- weight is always a problem, Health issues, preventing you from exercising. We have not had sex now for two years! My husband started working out even more and I really couldn't keep my hands off him. There are two thing to understand - you lose weight by eating and you shape your body by exercise. Take a minute and realise how fucking lucky you are. You seem to think that because it upsets you, you don't have to do anything about it. [–]windirfullQuitters never win, but they get to fuck 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children). My Husband Is Overweight and It Turns Me Off – How To Deal With Overweight Spouse. Or possibly he goes straight to the … The exercise, however, keeps your body from fighting the calorie reduction by crashing your metabolism. "It's hard to admit but he's simply not attractive to me anymore," she says. He said that getting an erection is not the problem. Did I just drop into an alternate universe? I think there has to be something emotional on his side, or some anxiety that's putting the brakes on his libido. I feel pretty shallow at the moment. You know your health is in danger, and he knows too. I got to a point where both my husband and I got really chunky and the sex wasn't any good. And guess what, when you lose the weight, walking becomes easier and so does everything else. I on the other hand, am physically fit. I know it hurts to be told that. You can start now, and feel better about yourself for the rest of your life! In my previous committed relationships, my weight yo-yo'd and my sex life was always great. 30 lbs is not going to make a difference to his libido, even if it makes him find you slightly less attractive. But if there is a problem you should address it rather than sweep it under the rug, and when you ask a direct question you should expect to get the answer to that question, not a dodge. If you want to see better results do some weight training. "The Happiness Trap" has some good mental tricks to learn to be OK with being overweigh, as well as how to deal with the urge to eat in a healthy way. Once school ended, this took a toll on him. You sound like you are in severe denial about this. But you are the one who needs to take action and control of yourself, and I think that - even more then the mere fact of loosing weight - is what's really sexy. You have to want to be skinny more than you want to eat. Limit yourself to 25 grams a day of sugar and 100 grams a day of carbs. He was heavy when I met him, but recently he has gained more weight. Then tell him you expect him to work on his libido issues. Her doctor even asked how she was able to bring her sugar levels down. I don't regret being open with him, I only wish it didn't hurt him so badly. If he doesn't want to see it, let him leave while you're naked. If so, then you're giving him everything he wants, but you're not being taken care of in the bedroom. There are non impact exercises (yoga, pilates, tai chi) that you can do. But for some, it needs to be upheld as well :), [–]BurnReynolds 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children). You seem to think the appropriate response is to hide in the closet and lock the bathroom so he can't see you, rather than take it seriously and lose the weight. (OP, I know this isn't what your post is about - I just wanted to give some results that might inspire you), [–]Leviticus59 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children), [–]appserius 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children), [–]MemorialBench 12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children).

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